Where's that darn stork?

As nervous and unprepared we felt at the prospect of becoming parents, we grew anxious after a year passed by without even a late period. I remembered the dozens of reasons - especially the selfish ones - why I was hesitant to become a mother. They seemed so petty and insignificant. We decided it was time to consult a specialist.

INFERTILITY. DIAGNOSIS. PROGNOSIS. TREATMENT. IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization). The consultation was very overwhelming. I remember feeling like I had an illness, one with an uncertain recovery rate. While it was not a terminal illness, it was one that would certainly linger within me indefinitely. After a year of in-vitro, my perceived illness turned into a viral infection. And after yet another year and a half of failed and aborted treatment plans, years of hoping and praying, living by my IVF cycle calendar, doctor visits, blood tests, ultrasounds, egg retrievals, surgeries, bi-daily shots, tri-daily pills and discouraging phone calls...I felt downright toxic.

I knew my body and mind needed a break from the process. Jimmy needed a break from me. Our last IVF attempt was February 2. I started the month feeling numb, dazed and almost mournful. Jimmy was so supportive and accepting of needing to take time off. He reminded me how strong I am and how resilient I've been when faced with other challenges. Most importantly, he was so confident that we were meant to be parents, that we were intended to be together and have a family that it didn't matter if I needed time. IT WILL HAPPEN, he said. Someday.